I'm back! And that's nice

Phew! Time to blow the dust off this old blog and start using it again!  I meant to update over my break...but then I got lazy and simply, didn't.  It was a great break though!  I'll tell you more about it later, but it'll be a separate post.  I'm writing now because I just got back to the country about six hours ago, and I have been processing a few things, and wanted to share those thoughts (and, honestly, continue to process) while writing to you.

First of all, I came to the realization yesterday that this will be the first time returning to a foreign country.  My only two previous abroad experiences were studying abroad in Argentina in 2012, and coming to Costa Rica for the first time in 2013.  And now I'm here again in 2014.  And that's nice.

Before, the idea of flying to another country always brought with it the anxiety (both nervous and excited) of the unknown, and meeting all new people and being thrown into new situations in a new house and everything was new, new, new.  Now, it's not so new.  And that's nice.

Now, I have a small foundation set for me here.  Now I'm not just a floater, hoping someone will reach out and catch me because I have no idea where I'm going; now I'm a floater hoping someone will reach out and catch me, who knows at least how to get to work and back; who knows it can be nice here; and who knows that SOMEONE will eventually catch her. And that's nice.

I wasn't nervous during the flight here, I wasn't unsure of what would be waiting for me when I got off the plane, I knew what was coming.  I even had the same flight attendant as my return trip!  The airport, the first thing I saw and experienced when I got off the plane was familiar. And that was really nice.

When I looked out the window as we were landing, I saw mountains.  I couldn't help but smile.  My mountains are back.  My beautiful Costa Rica is back. This is nice.

So you see, this is the kind of "nice" that I've never been able to experience in a foreign country before, and it was so awesome to be able to experience it.  It made me realize that yes, the life I'm living here is actually real--not just some weird vacation from my real life; that I have experiences and memories here, and that I don't have to start over every time I come back!  It's helped me realize that yes what I'm doing is relevant and real and that it matters.  That was something I was struggling with over the break.  I don't know if I put it into that clear of thoughts or words, but coming back has made me realize that that had been what I was thinking...at least a little.

I'm really excited to start working this next section of my time here.  I wasn't before I came; I was hesitant, at best.  But now, I'm back, and I'm excited.  I didn't know what I had until it was returned to me.  I didn't realize I'd really lost anything, yet now I see that I had--but it's ok, because it's mine again.

I'm not saying this is going to be "the best new year ever!"  And that everything is going to be peachy for the remainder of my time here, but I do have hope.  And hope is one of those things that can change a situation around, or at least keep you going until something else changes it around.  I didn't want t to hope for too much after having almost none of my expectations met during the first round, but now there's nothing I can do to stop it; I am hopeful.

I'm hopeful that in these next few months, I will get to meet awesome people and learn their stories.  I'm hopeful that I will learn to get around San Jose--new neighborhoods and new routes.  I'm hopeful that I will make new friends and be continue to be a part of something so much bigger than I am.  I'm hopeful  (and confident) that God will show up and do AMAZING things.  I am hopeful (and confident) that God will fulfill his promises to me, and I will start to see those come true.

While there is hope, there is also fear.  I'm scared I might fall back into my pattern of hopelessness.  I'm scared I won't find anyone around to be my friend.  I'm scared I might still feel like the outcast at work.

I'm scared I won't be enough.

It is in that fear, however, in those moments of uncertainty and discomfort, that I turn to God.  I can share my fears with him, and let him comfort me.  To be comforted by God is to be wrapped in arms of pure love, and to be reassured by words of pure truth.  It is the best way to be comforted.

So there you have it, my first thoughts upon returning to Costa Rica.  There was a lot in there--I didn't realize it would end up where it did, but man, you gotta love an unfiltered Kiki-processing-post! :)  Let me know what you think about all this in the comments below or by an email (kikinoa@sbcglobal,.net) or in a Facebook message (or post onto my wall)--there are a lot of ways I'm available!

I have more news to share, both past and future (well, only past if you want to hear about my awesome vacation time), but one I probably shouldn't wait to share is that Latin America Mission has officially merged with United World Mission and that's awesome.  You may have received some mail (snail or electronic) that covered what you'd need to know as as financial supporter, but if you have ANY questions (as a donor or not) about what this merge means, let me know and I will let the the person that actually knows all this stuff know, and eventually you WILL get an answer.

I'm so glad I got to see some of you over my vacation, and super bummed I didn't get to see others of you, but the best part is, we'll still see each other again!  Probably over the summer, but maybe a little farther down the line--in any case, it wasn't the one and only time to see me, and it will just be that much sweeter to finally reunite after so much time.

Ok, I'm (almost) done with my conclusions and goodbyes, I'll let you stop reading now :)

Peace and Blessings,
Kiki