How do you say goodbye?

How do you say goodbye to a place that has been your home for 8 months, to the people that have been there for you simply by existing in the same world as you for 8 months?  How do you say goodbye to the family you have lived with for 5 months and have taken you in as their own?  How do you say goodbye to the roommates you have and the friends they have become?  How do you leave the family you’ve been working with and growing to love?  How do you say goodbye to your life in one area to go back to your “other life” thousands of miles away?  How do you leave your new life behind to go back to the old one?  Back to the (previously) familiar people, back to the routines you once knew, back to the friends you once had, back to the normal you used to need.  How do you go back when you’re so different from when you started?  How do you go back and “fit” into a place you’ve outgrown?  How do you stay in a place that isn’t yours?  How do you know where is yours?  Family? Friends? A job?  You can find those everywhere.  How do you navigate a home that stretches across state and national borders?  How do you find your place when your heart is with so many others around the world?  How do you know where you belong when you want to be everywhere at once?

Maybe there are answers to these questions, and maybe there aren’t.  Maybe I don’t need these answers.  Maybe I just need to know that many people love me, and I love many people.  When I leave Costa Rica, everything here doesn’t have to stay here, and be forgotten, everything comes with me, to continue to shape me and be a part of me as I navigate coming back home and starting up again.  I don’t have to say goodbye, not forever at least.  I don’t have to have the perfect words to say, or the perfect gift to give.  I don’t have to know how to leave everything behind, because in one way or another, everything and everyone is coming with me, at least a little bit.  The lessons I’ve learned here, the wisdom and advice that has been shared with me, the joy that has come, the hardships that helped me grow, all of it.  All of these things have shaped me while I’ve been here and they will always be a part of me. 

The people I’ve met here and who have become my family here will always be there when I need them.  When I head back to the States, my St. Louis family will have a chance to shape me and grow with me, and I them.  It’s not about ending one chapter and starting another one, it’s about learning and growing in new ways and then sharing that knowledge and those experiences to help others learn and grow, and to in turn let them shape me until God calls us again to leave to learn and grow elsewhere.  It’s not about saying goodbye and starting over, it’s about the learning process and being open and flexible to new ways of learning, sharing, growing, experiencing.  It’s not about two worlds colliding, it’s about one world coming together.  It’s not about pain and loss, it’s about growth and love.

I am reminded of a Casting Crowns song I heard a concert of theirs in March. It's called "Just be Held" and I feel like this is what I'm doing and need to do right now.